A LETTER TO CONSCIENCE

Dear Conscience,

I know we've come a long way and you've been in my life for as long as I can remember but it's time for us to go our separate ways. You spring up from no where and dominate me, dominate my mind, my soul, often times my mouth.  But at this stage of my life, I will not be needing you anymore. I'm tired of you running the show. In the past, i felt this certain peace whenever you surfaced, you made me feel guilty whenever I erred and immediately, I straightened up every situation because i hated the guilt i felt.I was glad I did have you - Conscience.

However, there a million reasons why I will not be needing you in my life anymore. You too dey koba me, Yes, I said it! You've landed me in trouble a million times. Remember Juwon? Yes, Juwon my bestest friend, the only person in the world  that understood me. Remember her? Her bubbling laughter? Her crazy jokes? Well guess what?  I wont be hearing all that anymore. All thanks to you. I wish you never popped up at that very hour. I wish I  never told Juwon i saw Kayode  kissing her cousin at liquid lounge on Tuesday. That was the love of her life, he could do no wrong in her eyes, he made her smile, he was her everything. But you, yes you! had to surface, surface at a time i swear i didnt need you! You proved  yet again, you were way stronger than me, I couldn't even control my thoughts, let alone my lips. Now I've ruined everything for her. Her December wedding will no longer take place. But that's not what hurts, it's the fact she can no longer stand me, she said and I heard her clearly 'why did you have to tell me this?' I should have turned a blind eye and said nothing.

As if that was not enough! I've been the joke in my office for weeks. No one talks to me anymore, not even Moria, the cleaner.  My colleagues can't stand me, perhaps i shouldn't have told oga it was Mr. Kolapo that took her cold water from the fridge. You know very well how oga gets when she's upset? Mr. Kolapo was her scapegoat that day. I should have once again turned a blind eye. Everyone's been calling me names 'gbeborun' 'gbefila'. I hate this! I hate being the reject! These are people I'll be spending almost 10 hours with everyday.How do I fix this?

Conscience, there are so many other things you've messed up in my life. But right now, here's a few I can  remember. I will no longer let you push me around! Henceforth, you will cease taking over  my thoughts, my words and my actions! You shall have no authority over me, your reign is over! Find another heart to dominate, i've decided to go the other route! It seems to me that makes more sense!

Goodbye.

NB:This write up is fictional!

Some of you like me have learnt the hard way with revealing things to people, even to the people closest to you. You wish you never spilled because everything kinda backfired. So I ask, is it better to shut up and mind your business, or spill either way even though you know the news would kill the person? Please drop a line......,

WARNING SIGNS!!!!!

A few days ago, I was doing some serious thinking and then this issue popped up, 'warning signs'. I'm sure we've all at some point ignored warning signs and done things we knew could end up really messed up? But then again we all feel it wouldn't hurt to take risks right? As the saying goes 'you never know', so we go ahead and take major risks! Hmm.....okay so  this topic would most likely be linked to relationships and businesses but it also includes your health, career, academics, friendships, religion, addictions etc. Often times, we see danger signs but pay no attention to them instead we ward them off.

The moment i saw Bade,  i knew something about him was a bit unusual. He wasn't your typical Naija guy. His jeans fit like a second skin, accentuating every muscle on his thigh. They were burgundy in color and as if that wasn't weird enough, glued to the left side of his plaid shirt was a brooch. Yes a brooch! That was the first time I'd see a guy rocking a brooch(in Nigeria at least) He was very neat, fresh faced, well shaped eyebrows  and even offered me hand lotion when I asked my cousin Tara for hers. Tara had been dating Bade for over a year and they weren't playing, they had started talking marriage. They were a fine looking couple and dressed to kill all the time but every time I saw Bade, his style struck me as too feminine, so I wasn't  shocked when he came out of the closet two years later- he was gay. I didn't get why Tara was screaming the whole building down when she found out, the signs were there!!!!!!

I saw the signs, Tara probably did but chose to ignore them or maybe she was just in denial. In conclusion, there are a million and one things we sense or know are not right.We know it in our hearts, but take them for granted, making excuses or are just simply non-challant.  Some times, friends and family see the signs on your behalf and advice you but you get all defensive, sometimes its a warning in your dream, sometimes, it's just a feeling, sometimes its your instincts. Guys,  let's not ignore these warning signs, let's  act now! Follow your instincts, they never fail you. To be forewarned is to be forearmed! Just a thought.
Please share some of the warning signs you took for granted but later regretted because you got into trouble! A lot of us could learn from you.

A LIL CONFESSION........

It took a lot of courage to actually write this post as this is a very intimate and embarrassing topic but I will share my story. I have never admitted this to anyone, and so I think this post is a bit of a therapy. The truth is - I have an "imaginary friend"- a lot actually.

Please don't judge me, it's something I have absolutely no control over. I have had 'them" for the most part of my life and they have grown with me all through the years. I'm not crazy, neither am I sad or depressed. Most people who have imaginary friends are mostly introverts, or people that have been or are subject to abuse or trauma. They use this as an opportunity to vent or heal. We all know, a lot of kids have imaginary friends and it is believed that they get rid of them when they are older(but it's not always the case)

Interestingly, i never had imaginary friends as a little child, it all started in my teen years. In real life, i actually do live a normal life, i have a couple of friends( i'm not an introvert at all, I have loads of fun) decent upbringing, I'm not an only child, but over the years, I've found myself creating these 'characters' and playing out their lives. In the privacy of my room, i would create situations for entertainment, i tell you my characters have a full life of events,and a consistent life history. Right now, I have over 50 characters with names, surnames, locations, dates of birth, spouses, children, siblings, and It has been my routine for years. The only problem is-- I am all of them. I talk as them, and act like them. Like in real life, they have their ups and downs, they laugh, cry, and do everything real life people do. Sadly, some of my characters have passed on.

I've gotten to a stage where I want to get rid of them but it's hard. I'm so attached to them but I think it's about time I stopped. When I'm alone, I find myself slipping into character. It's just so natural. I feel very weird about it and thats why I never told anyone. I just need to know if there are people like me out there?
To be continued..........there's more!