CATCH 22

Catch 22 is back again! Today's question is;

If your 12 year old daughter came home pregnant, what would you do? Be honest!


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THE LAW FINALLY CAUGHT UP WITH ME

There are certain immutable laws that simply can't be cheated, for instance, the " in-law"(lol!).  There is no way in the world you can escape having in-laws( as long as you have an intention to get married, or you have married siblings). Frankly, being affiliated with new people should be exciting or shouldn't it be?. However, this isn't usually the case. Most people dread having or meeting their in-laws, most especially, their female in-laws.  As a matter of fact, a friend of mine( single) confessed that she hopes her husband's mother dies before they meet. Harsh right? But homegirl has her reasons. An in-law is  a person who has a legal affinity with another via marriage. They include; parent-in-law, sister-in-law, and brother-in-law. 

Holy molly! The awful stories we hear about mothers-in-law aka  monsters-in-law are completely terrifying. Stereotypically, mothers-in-law MIL(in short),  have a bad reputation. A lot of women don't want a relationship with their prospective MIL for fear of being maltreated. It sure doesn't help that our mothers, sisters and aunties have told us all these scary stories or some of us are actually eye-witnesses. Decades of studies academic as well as social, have revealed that nearly two-thirds of women complain they've suffered long-term stress arising from friction with their husband's mother. Does this sound familiar? Are you in that situation? In turn, mothers- in-law complained bitterly about the exclusion from their son's lives and from their grandchildren.

The in-law drama affects both men and women, but the most common clashes exist between a woman and her female in-laws(sister in-law and mother-in-law). Although men have issues with their in-laws, in-law tensions hit women hardest. Wheeee!!!! 

"I look at my 5 year old son and wonder what sort of mother-in-law I will be. I hope I will get along with his eventual wife, cause my own experience is making me lose it. The folks at Yaba left(popular psychiatric hospital) may be having a new guest pretty soon. I'm on the verge of joining my fore fathers in sky. Call me dramatic but you have no clue, until you step into my shoes. My name is Anu, and I am a daughter-in-law with a mother-in-law from hell and a sister-in-law who I have no doubt dines with the devil( I call her Jezebel). I discovered my mother-in-law was actually a monster-in-law at my first meeting with the family. She openly trashed me, telling her son(my then boyfriend) "Ha! Kola this is not your type, why are you lowering your standards?"  she said staring at me in disgust. My knees went weak, and in that moment, I swear I sensed danger but "love wan tintin" I held on tight. It got worse when he finally popped the question. She immediately called for a meeting, with the attendees being just me and her. "Don't think you can take my son away from me, just know that every act of kindness I show you is because of my baby, understood?, she said, her eyes looking fierce like that of a serial killer, Aileen Wuornos had nothing on her. She sure made her point cause I was too terrified to utter a word to my husband, maybe I should have. What followed were constant insults, rejection,and once even a threat, "I will get my son another wife, shebi emi ni mo bi(I gave birth to him), she bragged, tapping her hands on her chest. "Your food is too salty" "You dress like a slut"( she said that at her church's anniversary)I should have stayed at home jejeli, but I was trying to please her. "When are you having another child?are just a few of the hurtful remarks I would have to endure. She would make nasty comments to her son just to mock me, "Kola you look malnourished" " You look stressed," insinuating I wasn't taking good care of him. Oh! I have wept endlessly in my marriage. I cry every single day. Kola is getting tired of our constant altercations. He doesn't understand why we just can't get along. It doesn't help that he is her only son. On one occasion, she walked into our matrimonial bedroom unawares, ordering her son to step out for their monthly family meeting, our living-room being the venue, Jezebel was there of course rolling her eyes at me. My husband comes home angry every day because she tells him negative things about me. I always state my case but he's slowly losing his grip. My husband and I  barely talk and this is a result of the strained relationship I have with the other women in his life. Before you guys start judging me, thinking i'm some kind of crazy bitch, i have kissed and licked their asses in the past just to make him happy, but these witches mean business. What am I to do? I'm losing the love of my life and my mind! The " in-law" has caught up with me. Women, whether we like it or not, the "in law" will catch up with us".

At the end of the day, the mother-in-law stereotype cannot be generalized, there are actually wonderful mothers-in-law, who treat you even better than your birth mother. Poor mothers-in-law, they always seem to be the brunt of the joke. Often portrayed as overbearing, nosy, bossy, or sometimes, even downright evil.  Some of them actually mean no harm, we could simply translate their actions to mean- "Don't push me away" "Don't see me as a threat"  "Don't patronize me" "Tell me I did a great job raising my son" etc.  Are you a victim of the mother-in-law drama? Are you single and  paranoid about what your MIL would be like? what would you do if you were in Anu's shoes? Please drop a line.............

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NEW SERIES: CATCH 22!

Hey guys!

I'm starting a new series called, "Catch 22" , where i ask you guys interesting questions, and in return, I want genuine answers(be honest!) It's really just to create fun yet enable us think deep. So here's the question for today. Enjoy!


DESCRIBE YOUR EX!

DIG ON........ GOLD DIGGER!!!!

The moment Segilola stepped out of the popular Shoprite supermarket in Ikeja, she was approached by a good-looking young chap, about 6'2. Dude sure had nerves, as Segilola was quite unapproachable. I mean, the Prada handbag she had glued to her wrist was made from the world's rarest and most expensive animal skins. Her total demeanor screamed "back off", you know, the cute little pout, flicking of her long streaks, full human hair extension and all that badass attitude that all these rap kids would refer to as "swagger". You couldn't tell if she was going shopping or dining with the queen.
"Hey beautiful"
Turning around to peek at who had hollered at her, Segilola's eyes immediately did a quick scan of the young man's shoes and wrist watch, to see if it "made sense"
Movado watch, Gucci drivers, not bad.... She thought, smiling coyly.
"You done shopping?" He asked.
"Well.... Yea"
"Forgive me, my name is Segun"
"Segi, she said changing her birth name to a sleeker version.
"Would you mind joining me for a drink?"
"Well.... I don't drink, would prefer Thai food actually," she said, doing the hair flick thing again.
"Hmm..... There isn't one around here, right?
"There isn't, but there's one on the island, Pattaya, to be precise,"
"Unfortunately, I'm not mobile"
"Really? Is your car at the mechanic's? "
"Hmmm..... Actually, I don't drive"
"You don't? She interrupted, her eyes lit up.
"Is there a problem?
"A lot actually, nice meeting you, she said and stormed off.

Segilola never gave Segun a chance, she didn't care if he was a wonderful, caring, intelligent guy, she left on the hint that he didn’t have a car and translated that to the lack of a good number of other material things. Are you Segilola? If you are, I'm not here to judge you; I just want to know why?

Goodness gracious! It seems ladies these days are involved in some unconscious gold rush these days. They seem to be carrying a metal gold sieve pan and pass every man they meet through it. If fine gold doesn’t come through that sieve, it’s over, isn't it? A lot of girls would only date guys that possess certain material things, e.g. a car, a house (preferably in one of the highbrow areas) a mouth watering salary, or a great business. It's certainly no news. In most cases, when a girl meets a guy, the first question her girls ask her besides his physical appearance include; "Is he paid up?" "What car does he drive?" "Where does he live?" And so on. God bless you if your answers are negative.

Gold digger is a slang term for greedy women – a woman whose interest in a relationship is to get material benefits from it. Majority of them don't work. They never pay for dinner or entertainment and always ask for favors without offering any rewards(except sex sha, cause for some it's actually a thank you gift). Please note that after you've read this definition (urban dictionary) you should know your stance, because some ladies are in denial! Once again, are you Segilola? I remember those times when girls would say, "I can "date" rich men, but when it's time for "marriage", I want a God fearing, nice, caring, sweet man"! What happened to all those promises? (I guess all na yans!) because right now, all I see, is women, stooping low, tolerating crap from men, all in the name of marrying a "rich/society big boy". They throw caution to the wind, and would "rather cry in a limo, than laugh on a bicycle!"

Love? What has love got to do with relationships and marriages these days? I've heard women say "love is not enough' I can't suffer, I want a rich man!" A friend of mine actually believes that once there's money, love will spring forth (lol!) Gone are the days, when women married for love (our mothers, to be precise). Those were the days, women stood by their men, through the struggle, supported him, believed in him and prayed for him. Many ladies these days, don't want that struggle, they want a "readymade man". No waiting, no striving, everything easy!
Another friend of mine has sworn that she'll only marry a rich man even though she has to wait till her late 30's. She also mentioned she would only marry a society man, one with a well-known last name, so she can be addressed as "Mrs..................... That's a topic for another day.

Now to the main issue, why do some women consider the size of a man's pocket before entering into any relationship?
Some have said marriage is a battlefield, where women are most likely going to lose, and for them, in order not to be a complete loser, they "extract" as much money, property and expensive jewelry that they can. For such women, marriage is a complete business transaction. "All’s fair in love and war" is their philosophy.
Some are gold diggers because they lacked a lot of material things as kids and so for them, marrying a rich man will be a major breakthrough.
Some are gold diggers based on experience. Life happened to them and because of their past, they would follow their head rather than their heart. They don't trust men, and are always defensive. It's kinda like a situation where they are looking out for themselves.
At the end of the day, every woman wants security, no woman wants a man that can't provide. But I think where we should draw the line, is what your definition of provision is? Are you dating a fresh graduate and expecting him to take you to London for Christmas? You must be in la la land! Please wake up! Are you engaged to a newly employed guy who is earning a five digit salary, yet you're expecting a Hermes bag? You need deliverance if you are! Let's learn to cut our coat according to our cloth. If your man can't afford "funmi hair"(expensive human hair extension) please go and buy "darling Yankee" or better still, "premium too" Gbam!

Hold up men! Don't get all excited, nodding your heads. Women shouldn't take all the blame, men are equally guilty, "If men didn't offer women all these fancy things, women wouldn't even think in that direction". Often times, men lure women with expensive gifts. They'll do anything to get that girl. Talk about instances Kola borrows Ladi's G-wagon, just to take Caroline to dinner or is it using all your life savings to buy an Evoque, but you're squatting with a friend in a BQ in Lekki (a highbrow area in Lagos) or those that don't even have a roof over their heads, when no one's looking, they sneak into their very expensive cars, and crash there (Yes, it sounds outrageous, but I've met a guy with this story).
This reminds of me of a story I once heard.
Girl: Yes who are you
Guy: My name is Tega
Girl: Do you earn a salary
Guy: No I don’t, but…
Girl: Do you drive your own car?
Guy: No I don’t, but
Girl: Sorry, but I can’t have anything to do with you
Guy: I don’t earn a salary because I pay salaries, and I don’t drive my own car because my driver drives my cars. And yes, I can’t have anything to do with you either, so the feeling is mutual.

A lot of girls are constantly searching for materials things in their prospective husbands/Partners. Is money your number one criteria in a relationship? Does money answer all things? Would you rather cry in a limo, than laugh on a bicycle? Please drop a line.............

I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!

Do these words sound familiar? Have you ever uttered these words? Well, I have, in fact, a couple of times. Some people have gotten me so mad or hurt, I uttered those words.
Have you ever been hurt so badly by someone that you find it difficult to forgive? At that point, the words "just forgive and forget" sound so annoying, you just want to shove the person suggesting it? Does it hurt to just let your offender off the hook, pretending the offense never occurred? If that is what forgiveness is all about,most of us want nothing to do with it.It's just so hard!

Forgiveness is letting go of the need for revenge and releasing negative thoughts of bitterness and resentment. May I add that it is also one of the hardest things to do. You are expected to forgive, when someone offends you, because religiously and morally keeping a grudge will not only deprive you of God's mercies/blessings, but you feel this sense of guilt when you're about to pray, remember when you tell God "forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us"?. So automatically you feel the need to forgive and let go, whether you mean it or not,in order to be at peace with your creator. Keeping a grudge has also been said to affect one mentally, and health wise, which explains why people try to avoid it.

In recent studies, social scientist are discovering that forgiveness may help lead to victims emotional and even physical healing and wholeness. They believe that the personal benefits of forgiveness include, release from anger, and stress which have been linked to psychological problems such as; high blood pressure, cancer, hypertension, cardiovascular diseases and other psychosomatic  illness.  Even though some of us know there is a likelihood of these side effects, we just don't care! We feel a certain way at that point, and just can't help it or just don't care!

However, I have come to realize that a lot of us fake forgiveness, which in my opinion, is worse. When you're hurt,wouldn't it be better to give yourself time to heal? Okay, I'm not saying heal forever o! but don't fake it! For religious or moral reasons, you find people reconciling with their offenders immediately, forming chummy and hanging out, this is  popularly known as "oju aye"( a Yoruba saying) which connotes "faking love or interest". But deep down inside, you have "unfinished business". You probably can't stand the person. Wouldn't "faking reconciliation" leave you in the same position? At least in Gods' sight, cause he sees your heart, and knows you want to poison Ada, if Mama Silifa  gives you poison! Guys beware! Some people you've offended are talking to you but are still hurting on the inside, they are simply talking to you because they want to "fulfill all righteousness" and show the world that "Hey everyone! Look at me, I'm the bigger person, i'm talking to Jonathan, even though he slept with my wife!" or they are just seeking revenge! But when you're asleep,they will pour acid on you! Gbagbe! Also,offenders need not be self-centered. I mean if you've done something terrible to a person, you can't expect your victim to forgive you instantly, Haba!. You can't have stolen Sheila's man with your sexy curves, apologize once or twice and accept to go for dinner with her the following day, even though she swears she wants you there! (Don't be ignorant, na oju aye o!). In my opinion, forgiveness does not require "immediate reconciliation with your offender". You can forgive without being reconciled. Some people need time to heal, and reconciliation may follow, emphasis on "may", because in some cases, it just won't happen.Please correct me if I'm wrong.

I know you've all been hurt, and hmm....... some hit you like a ton of bricks! Someone you trusted so much, stabbed you in the back! You are so pained that you haven't let go, and really,  at some point you've actually considered letting go but you just can't, different things bring back awful memories.Are you finding it difficult to forgive someone today? Perhaps your father, who called you names when you were younger e.g "You dullard!Olodo! Why can't you come first like your peers?" "You are my worst child". Those words hurt you so bad, and damaged your self esteem resulting to bitterness and lack of forgiveness? Or when you were younger, your sister told her friends you were a bed wetter, a deep dark secret, you thought was only between family? Or most commonly, you were jilted by someone you thought was the love of your life? Abandoned by a parent? Abused by your partner? "Misyarned about"? Insulted by your boss/friend/sibling/partner? Duped by friends/business partners and so on.

Some have said that restoring a broken relationship might involve things like, restitution, a period of detachment, and new boundaries for the relationship. What has worked for you?
Have you ever felt so hurt that you've said "I'll never forgive you". If you have, do you intend letting go or have you already let go? Please drop a line............

WHAT DO YOU REGRET?

Regret is a negative conscious and emotional reaction to personal past acts and behaviors. It is often a feeling of sadness, shame, embarrassment, depression, annoyance or guilt after one acts in a manner and later wishes not to have done so. Regret can describe not only the dislike for an action that has been committed , but also, importantly, regret of inaction.

Many of us find ourselves wishing we had done something in a past situation differently. There is no such thing as a "life without any regrets". Even the most successful people have regrets. Yes, ask them! I have regrets and I'm sure you do.From losing the one that got away, to picking the wrong career path, or feeling that you married the wrong person. When you look back on your life, is there anything you wish you could change? Most of us would say yes- and we're not alone in that sentiment.

I've been thinking a lot lately and I must confess that I have a few regrets. I'll go ahead and mention one for now.... I regret studying law although it's a good profession and there are many successful lawyers out there! I  feel like there's  something missing and God knows I don't want to die feeling this way! In the first instance, I studied law because as a little girl I was a "talkative" and we all know how parents would automatically link that to "law". So everyone called me "the law" and I just felt I couldn't disappoint! I went ahead and studied law. Right now, I just fill unfulfilled, I feel there's more to me but I'm still discovering myself. Maybe I should have studied chemical engineering and be making the big bucks in one of these oil companies. Maybe I should have studied medicine overseas and be making the almighty dollar(cause we all know the profession doesn't pay in our country, Nigeria). Maybe I should have followed my dream of becoming a rapper(yes, I rap).But most times, we don't follow our hearts because we are worried about what people would say. Deep down inside you, all you want to do is model? But God forbid, daddy would faint if he saw you in front of a magazine( the honest truth is that daddy will be fine!)You want to sing? Grab the mic! You want to dance? Get down on it! Do you have something you enjoy doing but you can't reveal to the whole world because you fear rejection or condemnation? Trust me, you don't want to have regrets!

Some people have "secret regrets" they wouldn't dare to spill! For them, It's just too painful to talk about.Some of these regrets are mostly when they don't have an opportunity to make it right, may be someone dear passed away and you didn't have a chance to say goodbye, because you weren't on talking terms? You lost your virginity to a loser? And you know you can't get it back, no matter the number of virginity creams you use,lol!). You had that abortion but wish you bore the child? There are people who have had pretty tragic things happen to them. Some people are on the brink of suicide, some are totally depressed and can never forgive themselves. Are you that person? You are not alone!


I regret studying law and I feel so good letting it out!(I just want to scream!)I know you also have regrets or maybe you're that fellow who has got words of encouragement for those of us with regrets! Your words could help some of us heal! Do you have regrets or let me rephrase it, what do you wish you could have done differently? PLEASE SPILL YOUR GUTS!!!!!!

Note

Are you creative? Do you write poetry or short stories? Care to share? This is an opportunity to show off your talent! Once in a week, I 'll be doing a guest feature. Feel free to be anonymous(wink)

Also, are there issues bothering you? Let's discuss it here!

Email me- bonabokun@gmail.com

NOT SO ANONYMOUS!

Although I'm not anonymous, I reckon some of you don't know me, so I'll be doing a lil intro.

My name is Bisodun, unique right? I know........ And of course it keeps the questions coming, "why Bisodun, shouldn't it be Biodun?"  "when were you born?" Okay so those questions are kinda allowed but..... Some questions are just so hilarious. A couple of people have asked if Bisodun is the female version of Biodun, lol!. At the end of the day,  I smile whenever people gush about how unique my name is.  Also, some people ask how my parents  came up with the name. You want to know? Please don't laugh..... So one day, I was feeling rather inquisitive, I asked my mother why they named me "Bisodun". She said " I'll be honest but don't take offense o!. She said the truth was that after having three "pikins" before me, they had run out of names! My jaw dropped, It couldn't be!  She continued "but thank God it was sallah day(islamic festival) so it was very easy to name you "something".  I didn't know whether to laugh or cry after her confession. Oh well.... That's the story behind my name!

I am a Nigerian-based lawyer with a passion for writing and fashion. I've been writing since I was 5. Back then, I would scribble down short stories on a note book, draw  images and color them. I've always had a thing for writing which is why I've opted  to start my own blog.

So what's my blog about? It's  basically a collection of my intrepid thoughts. You see, i'm a thinker, when I'm not talking, i'm thinking. I'm also very observant. I get a lot of inspiration from events happening around me and I simply put them in writing. For me, this blog is an avenue to ask questions about the lil things that bother me, I'm a learner!.

My aim is to create an atmosphere for people from different works of life to have sincere chat sessions about  different pressing issues in our society and maybe being unidentified would make it a lot easier for you to air your views. It's amazing how knowledgeable people are, please don't keep all that information to yourself, do share!

Stay tuned for more about me!!!!

Note

Are you creative? Do you write poetry or short stories? Care to share? This is an opportunity to show off your talent! Once in a week, I 'll be doing a guest feature. Feel free to be anonymous(wink!)

Also, are there issues bothering you? Let's discuss it here!

Email me- bonabokun@gmail.com