ASO EBI PALAVA!

So, it's December again and I'm sure a lot of us have a million weddings to attend, and in Nigeria you may have to buy aso ebi, right? Aso ebi is  an outfit  guests wear to an event perhaps to give them a uniformed look? It's been our tradition for ages.  Celebrants select an outfit their guests and family should wear(it's not compulsory but you might look odd if you don't wear it cause everyone would be wearing it or you might not be allowed into the party) Yes! Some celebrants have crazy rules!  Yesterday, a friend of mine was sulking about the whole 'aso ebi' thing. My dear friend is 'miss popular'  so she has over 12 weddings and somehow she has  had to buy not just the aso ebis but she's on 5 different  the  trains, lol! Meaning she had to pay for the bridesmaid dresses also(I no envy her o!)  She goes 'Bisodun I'm broke, all my money has gone on aso ebi' next thing I knew she started tearing up. I couldn't believe she was crying. She said she had spent over a hundred thousand on aso ebis this December alone and is still in debt.

Okay here's my thing, firstly some aso ebis are ridiculously expensive and you see that's the problem a lot of guests have with purchasing aso ebis? Dear Brides, you know what your friends can afford, so why use an aso ebi worth tens of thousands? There are certainly cheaper prettier aso ebis out there, no one is going to know whether your aso ebi was thirty grand or three grand! It's called taste! Secondly, 'Eyin iyawos' don't think your friends are stupid o, we know the market price of that 'ankara' o! Why over inflate the price? God is watching you in 10D o!!!! Even if you want to put 'fisi' do it reasonably! Pity us now, we are still going to pay Baba Ranti to sew one mad style for us now! Pity us. Thirdly,  sisters out there, it is not a must, I repeat, it is not a must to buy aso ebi o!!!!!!! Please don't go owing money or begging for money because you want to buy aso ebi. A lot of us ladies are guilty of this. 'Gbese' here and there! Let's be bold enough to say ' I love you my dear friend, but i can't afford your aso ebi'.  I'm not Saying people should be malicious and unnecessary reluctant to buy aso ebis o, if you have money please support your friend! And if you don't have, please don't buy,  dont go incurring debts, cause your friend will be the one to suffer for it if you don't pay for her aso ebi you rocked so well that you graced the front cover of those style magazines.

A cousin who got married six years ago said some of her friends haven't still paid for the aso ebi they bought, she has two kids now, and the aso ebi was just two thousand?????? 

Whats your aso ebi palava? Please drop a line!

To be continued............

CATCH 22

What's your crazy tale???

Here's mine

Well, my life has been pretty much straight forward, but one incidence I'll never forget is what happened when I was ten. Till date, it's the craziest thing I've ever had to do! I was vacationing with my family in the UK. My dad told my big cousin(about 18) and I to go print out photos at kodak. So while we waiting for the pictures(which by the way felt like forever) my cousin calculated the money and realized there was change for a burger and fries at mcdonalds! Oh Lawd! Mcdonalds? I could eat their fries even if it fell into a gutter! Thats how much i loved it. We did not mind sharing one burger o!,it was luxury for us back then!) Watching my cousin separate the coins from the notes, made me super excited. The coins were for our burger and fries. For me this was amazing, buying mcdonalds without waiting on mummy or daddy???? I was so excited. We rushed down to mcdonalds which was across kodak, and had a lovely meal. Smiling sheepishly, we made our way back to Kodak to pick up the photos and then we were slapped with a bill way more than what we had baragained for. Chineke! i almost wet my pants. We began to panic. My cousin looked at me, I looked at her. She looked at me again, and I looked at her also.
'Biso, what will we do?' She asked teary-eyed.
;I don't know', I mumbled innocently like a child that i was.
And then... My cousin suggested the craziest thing ever, she said we would have to beg for the balance. I think it was just 75 pence we needed. Beg ke? God forbid! But Omo mehn! We had no choice!
So, little Bisodun went round the streets of London begging for money. Luckily, people felt sorry for me because i was a little child, they handed me chicken feed, some 1 penny, some 5. At last we got our money ready, in fact more than what we needed sef. 90 pence!.
The sad part was that we couldnt pay out transport fare, but trust us now, omo naija, we legged it o! Even though it took us forever.
Atleast we had our photos! Praise the lord! Hallelujah!!!!!!!


What's the craziest thing you've done? pleas drop a line!!!!

A LETTER TO CONSCIENCE

Dear Conscience,

I know we've come a long way and you've been in my life for as long as I can remember but it's time for us to go our separate ways. You spring up from no where and dominate me, dominate my mind, my soul, often times my mouth.  But at this stage of my life, I will not be needing you anymore. I'm tired of you running the show. In the past, i felt this certain peace whenever you surfaced, you made me feel guilty whenever I erred and immediately, I straightened up every situation because i hated the guilt i felt.I was glad I did have you - Conscience.

However, there a million reasons why I will not be needing you in my life anymore. You too dey koba me, Yes, I said it! You've landed me in trouble a million times. Remember Juwon? Yes, Juwon my bestest friend, the only person in the world  that understood me. Remember her? Her bubbling laughter? Her crazy jokes? Well guess what?  I wont be hearing all that anymore. All thanks to you. I wish you never popped up at that very hour. I wish I  never told Juwon i saw Kayode  kissing her cousin at liquid lounge on Tuesday. That was the love of her life, he could do no wrong in her eyes, he made her smile, he was her everything. But you, yes you! had to surface, surface at a time i swear i didnt need you! You proved  yet again, you were way stronger than me, I couldn't even control my thoughts, let alone my lips. Now I've ruined everything for her. Her December wedding will no longer take place. But that's not what hurts, it's the fact she can no longer stand me, she said and I heard her clearly 'why did you have to tell me this?' I should have turned a blind eye and said nothing.

As if that was not enough! I've been the joke in my office for weeks. No one talks to me anymore, not even Moria, the cleaner.  My colleagues can't stand me, perhaps i shouldn't have told oga it was Mr. Kolapo that took her cold water from the fridge. You know very well how oga gets when she's upset? Mr. Kolapo was her scapegoat that day. I should have once again turned a blind eye. Everyone's been calling me names 'gbeborun' 'gbefila'. I hate this! I hate being the reject! These are people I'll be spending almost 10 hours with everyday.How do I fix this?

Conscience, there are so many other things you've messed up in my life. But right now, here's a few I can  remember. I will no longer let you push me around! Henceforth, you will cease taking over  my thoughts, my words and my actions! You shall have no authority over me, your reign is over! Find another heart to dominate, i've decided to go the other route! It seems to me that makes more sense!

Goodbye.

NB:This write up is fictional!

Some of you like me have learnt the hard way with revealing things to people, even to the people closest to you. You wish you never spilled because everything kinda backfired. So I ask, is it better to shut up and mind your business, or spill either way even though you know the news would kill the person? Please drop a line......,

WARNING SIGNS!!!!!

A few days ago, I was doing some serious thinking and then this issue popped up, 'warning signs'. I'm sure we've all at some point ignored warning signs and done things we knew could end up really messed up? But then again we all feel it wouldn't hurt to take risks right? As the saying goes 'you never know', so we go ahead and take major risks! Hmm.....okay so  this topic would most likely be linked to relationships and businesses but it also includes your health, career, academics, friendships, religion, addictions etc. Often times, we see danger signs but pay no attention to them instead we ward them off.

The moment i saw Bade,  i knew something about him was a bit unusual. He wasn't your typical Naija guy. His jeans fit like a second skin, accentuating every muscle on his thigh. They were burgundy in color and as if that wasn't weird enough, glued to the left side of his plaid shirt was a brooch. Yes a brooch! That was the first time I'd see a guy rocking a brooch(in Nigeria at least) He was very neat, fresh faced, well shaped eyebrows  and even offered me hand lotion when I asked my cousin Tara for hers. Tara had been dating Bade for over a year and they weren't playing, they had started talking marriage. They were a fine looking couple and dressed to kill all the time but every time I saw Bade, his style struck me as too feminine, so I wasn't  shocked when he came out of the closet two years later- he was gay. I didn't get why Tara was screaming the whole building down when she found out, the signs were there!!!!!!

I saw the signs, Tara probably did but chose to ignore them or maybe she was just in denial. In conclusion, there are a million and one things we sense or know are not right.We know it in our hearts, but take them for granted, making excuses or are just simply non-challant.  Some times, friends and family see the signs on your behalf and advice you but you get all defensive, sometimes its a warning in your dream, sometimes, it's just a feeling, sometimes its your instincts. Guys,  let's not ignore these warning signs, let's  act now! Follow your instincts, they never fail you. To be forewarned is to be forearmed! Just a thought.
Please share some of the warning signs you took for granted but later regretted because you got into trouble! A lot of us could learn from you.

A LIL CONFESSION........

It took a lot of courage to actually write this post as this is a very intimate and embarrassing topic but I will share my story. I have never admitted this to anyone, and so I think this post is a bit of a therapy. The truth is - I have an "imaginary friend"- a lot actually.

Please don't judge me, it's something I have absolutely no control over. I have had 'them" for the most part of my life and they have grown with me all through the years. I'm not crazy, neither am I sad or depressed. Most people who have imaginary friends are mostly introverts, or people that have been or are subject to abuse or trauma. They use this as an opportunity to vent or heal. We all know, a lot of kids have imaginary friends and it is believed that they get rid of them when they are older(but it's not always the case)

Interestingly, i never had imaginary friends as a little child, it all started in my teen years. In real life, i actually do live a normal life, i have a couple of friends( i'm not an introvert at all, I have loads of fun) decent upbringing, I'm not an only child, but over the years, I've found myself creating these 'characters' and playing out their lives. In the privacy of my room, i would create situations for entertainment, i tell you my characters have a full life of events,and a consistent life history. Right now, I have over 50 characters with names, surnames, locations, dates of birth, spouses, children, siblings, and It has been my routine for years. The only problem is-- I am all of them. I talk as them, and act like them. Like in real life, they have their ups and downs, they laugh, cry, and do everything real life people do. Sadly, some of my characters have passed on.

I've gotten to a stage where I want to get rid of them but it's hard. I'm so attached to them but I think it's about time I stopped. When I'm alone, I find myself slipping into character. It's just so natural. I feel very weird about it and thats why I never told anyone. I just need to know if there are people like me out there?
To be continued..........there's more!

CATCH 22

Let's face it,nearly one in three employees say they have a bad boss. Is it the yelling, throwing and ranting,or the one that takes credit for your work and never gives a positive feedback? A controlling, intrusive, petty, bully? or the one that's harassed you sexually or even went as far as hitting you? Whatever your description is, we've all at some point in our lives had 'horrible bosses!'. However, bad bosses aren't necessarily bad people, but can definitely make your work challenging. A few people have had lovely bosses, rare but true. I know some of us have never had bosses(self-employed, students et al) but in this case, a boss is someone you've or have had to report to, e.g a lecturer at school, a loyal customer etc. So I ask..

DESCRIBE YOUR WORST BOSS?

ANYONE NEED SECURITY?

Security is freedom from doubt, fear and anxiety. A lot of us have been able to provide ourselves with sufficient security with the help of Atairu, Hassan, barbed wires, security cameras, vigilantes, dogs, and even jazz,(lol!) to give us maximum protection or so we think. But the type of security I'm talking about is 'emotional security' - even the wealthiest have little or no control over it. Are you insecure? Honestly, have you sat down to ask yourself that question? I think to a certain degree, a lot of us are insecure about one thing or another. Insecure about our looks, jobs, relationships, social status, financial position and so on. However, insecurity in relationships is what has captioned my interest.


Insecurity is a feeling of uncertainty, a lack of confidence or assurance. A lot of people have doubts about their partners, probably as a result of lack of trust, low self esteem, jealousy, confusion, paranoia, and the fear of rejection. Do you find yourself snooping on your partner, trying to find out what they're up to, perhaps, if there's another "she/he'?. Are you obsessed with checking your partner's cell phone, pocket, emails and underwear? You can't help but eavesdrop on your partner's conversation because even though the caller ID shows 'Boss' you feel it's actually 'Bose', his sexy co-worker, with hips that sure don't lie! Do you feel the need to be reassured severally that your partner loves you, pestering for those three words, 'I love you'? Or you're worried sick when your partner hasn't called in a day?. Do you fear that you're not good enough for your partner? If you've answered 'yes' to the above questions, you possess traits of an insecure person. But guess what? It's not a sin!


Women tend to be more insecure in relationships. An insecure woman would most likely exhibit either of these traits- keep her distance emotionally; she doesn't like to be too attached to her man for fear of rejection, or she becomes very clingy, and is tagged the 'psycho girlfriend/wife'. Women who are insecure have their reasons, perhaps, it could be their upbringing(dysfunctional background) past relationships ( the loser ex), social and societal factors( the need to be in a relationship), an unfaithful partner, low self esteem,sexual, physical and emotional abuse.

At the end of the day, a lot of us are insecure, even the most beautiful. I've been insecure in the past. Damn! Some guys sure messed with my head, I cant even lie! Whatever your reasons are,one thing I'll say is ' why kill yourself over a guy?' If you don't trust your man, why are you with him again? You go gaga, when you see him with a girl, you squeeze through tiny windows in order to nab him with 'that girl', when he's stepping out, you play detective monitoring his every move, you check his GPS to see the exact miles he covers each day, you pretend to be someone else in a chat group to see if he'll stray, you beg friends and family to monitor him, you pay to track his phone and car or you burst into his house unannounced, omo you get time o!( takes a deep breath). All these will send you to an early grave, it's not worth it!. However, if your insecurities are as a result of a loser ex, sexual abuse, societal pressure, dysfunctional background, and your current man is quite decent,please seek counseling, talk to someone that will guide you, don't let him suffer for another man's sin!


Are you insecure in your relationship? Why are you insecure? How can we overcome them? Please drop a line.........................




















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CATCH 22

I'm sure you guys are aware of the nude pics of some "Nigerian married woman" that leaked on the net last week? If you're not aware, YOU ARE STALE O! But lemme quickly brief you. So last week, highly distasteful pictures of a married woman in her early forties, was circulating on the net. They were naked pics and when I say naked, she was stark naked! Nothing at all, just the way Baba God made her, plus more sef!. I almost died from shock. Apparently, the gist was that her lover(a colleague) took those pics when the going was good. Things got bad and he set her up! He posted nude pics of her on the net. In fact, it was the talk of the town last week. To be honest, I kinda felt bad for her. I began to wonder, "How does this woman feel right now?" "What will her husband say/do? " What will happen to her career as a top banker?(gist is that, she's a banker). So many questions!

Okay so lets stop feeling holier than thou here o!  Most adults, 18 and above have sent a sexually suggestive, semi nude or really nude pic to someone, sometime in their life. Okay, you weren't put on blast(Hallelujah!) but it could have been you!

So I ask, ladies if your nude pics leak all over the net,or for guys, if you find your wife's  nudes pics all over  net(you didn't take the pics in this case) what will you do? Thanks to BBM, twitter et al, daddy, mummy, pastor, in-laws, colleagues have seen the pics, SERIOUSLY, WHAT WILL YOU DO? It's a "what if" question, so try and put yourself in her shoes or her husband's shoes, even if you would never do such.

THE SNATCHER'S CLUB

Dressed in a slinky black dress and sexy stiletto heels,  Morning-glory (yes,that's her name)spots a fine looking chap staring at her, more like staring at her 34DD bossoms, held up with a pink lacy bra. With eyes like that of a hawk, she immediately does a quick scan to assess if he meets up to "standards".
"Mehn! This guy na 10 over 10, she gushes to her friends.
"Yea he's not bad, but baby girl look at him well, something disqualifies him"
"What? All I see is hotness! She says, shaking uncontrollably  like a spirit has descended upon her.
"My dear look well, shine your eyes"
Squinting to have a clearer view, she immediately spots a gold band wrapped around the finger between his pinkie and middle finger.
"Oh...is it the ring?"
"Exactly......"
"Even better, that's my type!" she says wiggling her hips towards him.


A few years ago, I had the opportunity to witness a messy fight between two beautiful women, of course it was over "a man" (I don't still understand why women fight over men?).An aunt who lived with us, was involved in a husband snatching scandal. It wasn't funny o! The husband owner(lol!)  baptised my aunt( husband snatcher) with poo and my oh my , it is still one of the most disgusting things I have ever seen. The slimy poo slipped down her face, with tiny particles popping into her mouth as she opened it to scream( Lord have mercy!).  That day, I swore never to take any woman's man. The whole street heard about their nasty fight, and before we knew it, the gist was trending in the hood.

The "husband/boyfriend snatching" act is becoming a common trend.Each day, a woman somewhere in the world, is  labelled  a "husband/boyfriend snatcher. So I ask, what makes a woman a husband/boyfriend snatcher? Some of us are confused and really want to know( we just might be and don't know, lol!). Some people say- most husband/boyfriend snatchers  are ruthlessly ambitious women, who are out to steal your man. They'll deliberately go after a man knowing fully well he is in a committed relationship. They'll lure him into bed, spend his money, break his relationship and in some cases, ensure they become  the "main madam" (wife/girlfriend).They are also tagged as "gboko gboko"(Yoruba slang). 

However, you guys will agree with me that the above exposition should not be generalized. A couple of women that are labelled husband/boyfriend snatchers  do not  "deliberately" date taken men. As a matter of fact, some of these women have no clue these men are in committed relationships. At least, I've got friends who've had nasty experiences with guys who were too cowardly to reveal that they were in committed relationships. These poor girls delve into relationships with these guys, and are later tagged husband/boyfriend snatchers. Don't get me wrong, some girls are just pathological liars, who know from the on-set the guy is taken, but will deny knowing just so they get sympathy from their friends when the chips are down. A few girls have said they didn't have the "intention" to date a taken man.The affair was just so spontaneous, they didn't see it coming.I'm talking about a girl who would on a normal day frown at the thought of dating a married man  but somehow, finds herself sneaking into Oriental hotel with a married man, looking back and forth to see that she's not nabbed. Bridget, a beautiful girl I met a while ago,said she never planned to date her current boyfriend, a married man. May I add that they've been together for six years now. When she met him, she  ignored him for years as dating married men wasn't her style, but he was just so consistent, even more consistent than the single guys she had met. When she needed a kidney transplant, he was her first and only donor, even though she had a single guy that had sworn to jump off the third mainland bridge, if she didn't 'gree'. This was the deal breaker for her. No man had shown her this type of love. Are women in this position excusable or could they still be classified as snatchers? 

Moreover, there are girls who intentionally and consciously date men that are in  committed relationships, especially married men( Awon Ogbologbo!).For starters, the ring on his hand is what stole their hearts, because they translate the ring to mean " no need for a commitment" .Not every woman is looking to be in a committed relationship, in fact, the words "I love you" irk them. Some women would rather go for married men because they get what they want without having to give any sort of commitment. These category of girls say-  they are not trying to take your man permanently, they just want to borrow him for a while.They'll play with your man for a while, strip him off a bit of his cash, and move on, you still get to keep your man!. Are these women also classified as snatchers or can they be excused? After all, they are just borrowing your man for a while. Indeed, some women just enjoy the thrill of sneaking to see their lovers, they heart competition and the joy of being a conqueror(if that's how they see it).

One thing that has been bugging me to no end is the fact that men are never  tagged "wife/girlfriend snatchers" even though we all know there are guys who chase/stalk married women or women in committed relationships. Also, why are people so quick to point the finger at the woman whenever there's a husband snatching scandal? After all, there were two "grown adults" involved in the affair. Wives and girlfriends are quick to  attack their husband/boyfriend's lovers. They do unthinkable things to the "other woman",( acid bathing, shoe throwing, public display of madness, and of course, poo pouring) but  they let it slide with the man. I don't get this, someone please give me an explanation! My last question is-  Can a full grown man  be snatched? Lol! His he a robot that can be programmed with a remote control,  cause personally, I don't get how an adult can be snatched. Could it be that these snatchers  are so powerful that your man can't do otherwise? (okay this is besides a man " to ti jefo" women that use  diabolically means to steal your man).

Is husband snatching really possible? Did Ijeoma really snatch your man, or did your man just want to leave you? Or perhaps you are a Morning-glory, who has a few things to say. Please drop a line............,.


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CATCH 22

Catch 22 is back again! Today's question is;

If your 12 year old daughter came home pregnant, what would you do? Be honest!


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THE LAW FINALLY CAUGHT UP WITH ME

There are certain immutable laws that simply can't be cheated, for instance, the " in-law"(lol!).  There is no way in the world you can escape having in-laws( as long as you have an intention to get married, or you have married siblings). Frankly, being affiliated with new people should be exciting or shouldn't it be?. However, this isn't usually the case. Most people dread having or meeting their in-laws, most especially, their female in-laws.  As a matter of fact, a friend of mine( single) confessed that she hopes her husband's mother dies before they meet. Harsh right? But homegirl has her reasons. An in-law is  a person who has a legal affinity with another via marriage. They include; parent-in-law, sister-in-law, and brother-in-law. 

Holy molly! The awful stories we hear about mothers-in-law aka  monsters-in-law are completely terrifying. Stereotypically, mothers-in-law MIL(in short),  have a bad reputation. A lot of women don't want a relationship with their prospective MIL for fear of being maltreated. It sure doesn't help that our mothers, sisters and aunties have told us all these scary stories or some of us are actually eye-witnesses. Decades of studies academic as well as social, have revealed that nearly two-thirds of women complain they've suffered long-term stress arising from friction with their husband's mother. Does this sound familiar? Are you in that situation? In turn, mothers- in-law complained bitterly about the exclusion from their son's lives and from their grandchildren.

The in-law drama affects both men and women, but the most common clashes exist between a woman and her female in-laws(sister in-law and mother-in-law). Although men have issues with their in-laws, in-law tensions hit women hardest. Wheeee!!!! 

"I look at my 5 year old son and wonder what sort of mother-in-law I will be. I hope I will get along with his eventual wife, cause my own experience is making me lose it. The folks at Yaba left(popular psychiatric hospital) may be having a new guest pretty soon. I'm on the verge of joining my fore fathers in sky. Call me dramatic but you have no clue, until you step into my shoes. My name is Anu, and I am a daughter-in-law with a mother-in-law from hell and a sister-in-law who I have no doubt dines with the devil( I call her Jezebel). I discovered my mother-in-law was actually a monster-in-law at my first meeting with the family. She openly trashed me, telling her son(my then boyfriend) "Ha! Kola this is not your type, why are you lowering your standards?"  she said staring at me in disgust. My knees went weak, and in that moment, I swear I sensed danger but "love wan tintin" I held on tight. It got worse when he finally popped the question. She immediately called for a meeting, with the attendees being just me and her. "Don't think you can take my son away from me, just know that every act of kindness I show you is because of my baby, understood?, she said, her eyes looking fierce like that of a serial killer, Aileen Wuornos had nothing on her. She sure made her point cause I was too terrified to utter a word to my husband, maybe I should have. What followed were constant insults, rejection,and once even a threat, "I will get my son another wife, shebi emi ni mo bi(I gave birth to him), she bragged, tapping her hands on her chest. "Your food is too salty" "You dress like a slut"( she said that at her church's anniversary)I should have stayed at home jejeli, but I was trying to please her. "When are you having another child?are just a few of the hurtful remarks I would have to endure. She would make nasty comments to her son just to mock me, "Kola you look malnourished" " You look stressed," insinuating I wasn't taking good care of him. Oh! I have wept endlessly in my marriage. I cry every single day. Kola is getting tired of our constant altercations. He doesn't understand why we just can't get along. It doesn't help that he is her only son. On one occasion, she walked into our matrimonial bedroom unawares, ordering her son to step out for their monthly family meeting, our living-room being the venue, Jezebel was there of course rolling her eyes at me. My husband comes home angry every day because she tells him negative things about me. I always state my case but he's slowly losing his grip. My husband and I  barely talk and this is a result of the strained relationship I have with the other women in his life. Before you guys start judging me, thinking i'm some kind of crazy bitch, i have kissed and licked their asses in the past just to make him happy, but these witches mean business. What am I to do? I'm losing the love of my life and my mind! The " in-law" has caught up with me. Women, whether we like it or not, the "in law" will catch up with us".

At the end of the day, the mother-in-law stereotype cannot be generalized, there are actually wonderful mothers-in-law, who treat you even better than your birth mother. Poor mothers-in-law, they always seem to be the brunt of the joke. Often portrayed as overbearing, nosy, bossy, or sometimes, even downright evil.  Some of them actually mean no harm, we could simply translate their actions to mean- "Don't push me away" "Don't see me as a threat"  "Don't patronize me" "Tell me I did a great job raising my son" etc.  Are you a victim of the mother-in-law drama? Are you single and  paranoid about what your MIL would be like? what would you do if you were in Anu's shoes? Please drop a line.............

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NEW SERIES: CATCH 22!

Hey guys!

I'm starting a new series called, "Catch 22" , where i ask you guys interesting questions, and in return, I want genuine answers(be honest!) It's really just to create fun yet enable us think deep. So here's the question for today. Enjoy!


DESCRIBE YOUR EX!

DIG ON........ GOLD DIGGER!!!!

The moment Segilola stepped out of the popular Shoprite supermarket in Ikeja, she was approached by a good-looking young chap, about 6'2. Dude sure had nerves, as Segilola was quite unapproachable. I mean, the Prada handbag she had glued to her wrist was made from the world's rarest and most expensive animal skins. Her total demeanor screamed "back off", you know, the cute little pout, flicking of her long streaks, full human hair extension and all that badass attitude that all these rap kids would refer to as "swagger". You couldn't tell if she was going shopping or dining with the queen.
"Hey beautiful"
Turning around to peek at who had hollered at her, Segilola's eyes immediately did a quick scan of the young man's shoes and wrist watch, to see if it "made sense"
Movado watch, Gucci drivers, not bad.... She thought, smiling coyly.
"You done shopping?" He asked.
"Well.... Yea"
"Forgive me, my name is Segun"
"Segi, she said changing her birth name to a sleeker version.
"Would you mind joining me for a drink?"
"Well.... I don't drink, would prefer Thai food actually," she said, doing the hair flick thing again.
"Hmm..... There isn't one around here, right?
"There isn't, but there's one on the island, Pattaya, to be precise,"
"Unfortunately, I'm not mobile"
"Really? Is your car at the mechanic's? "
"Hmmm..... Actually, I don't drive"
"You don't? She interrupted, her eyes lit up.
"Is there a problem?
"A lot actually, nice meeting you, she said and stormed off.

Segilola never gave Segun a chance, she didn't care if he was a wonderful, caring, intelligent guy, she left on the hint that he didn’t have a car and translated that to the lack of a good number of other material things. Are you Segilola? If you are, I'm not here to judge you; I just want to know why?

Goodness gracious! It seems ladies these days are involved in some unconscious gold rush these days. They seem to be carrying a metal gold sieve pan and pass every man they meet through it. If fine gold doesn’t come through that sieve, it’s over, isn't it? A lot of girls would only date guys that possess certain material things, e.g. a car, a house (preferably in one of the highbrow areas) a mouth watering salary, or a great business. It's certainly no news. In most cases, when a girl meets a guy, the first question her girls ask her besides his physical appearance include; "Is he paid up?" "What car does he drive?" "Where does he live?" And so on. God bless you if your answers are negative.

Gold digger is a slang term for greedy women – a woman whose interest in a relationship is to get material benefits from it. Majority of them don't work. They never pay for dinner or entertainment and always ask for favors without offering any rewards(except sex sha, cause for some it's actually a thank you gift). Please note that after you've read this definition (urban dictionary) you should know your stance, because some ladies are in denial! Once again, are you Segilola? I remember those times when girls would say, "I can "date" rich men, but when it's time for "marriage", I want a God fearing, nice, caring, sweet man"! What happened to all those promises? (I guess all na yans!) because right now, all I see, is women, stooping low, tolerating crap from men, all in the name of marrying a "rich/society big boy". They throw caution to the wind, and would "rather cry in a limo, than laugh on a bicycle!"

Love? What has love got to do with relationships and marriages these days? I've heard women say "love is not enough' I can't suffer, I want a rich man!" A friend of mine actually believes that once there's money, love will spring forth (lol!) Gone are the days, when women married for love (our mothers, to be precise). Those were the days, women stood by their men, through the struggle, supported him, believed in him and prayed for him. Many ladies these days, don't want that struggle, they want a "readymade man". No waiting, no striving, everything easy!
Another friend of mine has sworn that she'll only marry a rich man even though she has to wait till her late 30's. She also mentioned she would only marry a society man, one with a well-known last name, so she can be addressed as "Mrs..................... That's a topic for another day.

Now to the main issue, why do some women consider the size of a man's pocket before entering into any relationship?
Some have said marriage is a battlefield, where women are most likely going to lose, and for them, in order not to be a complete loser, they "extract" as much money, property and expensive jewelry that they can. For such women, marriage is a complete business transaction. "All’s fair in love and war" is their philosophy.
Some are gold diggers because they lacked a lot of material things as kids and so for them, marrying a rich man will be a major breakthrough.
Some are gold diggers based on experience. Life happened to them and because of their past, they would follow their head rather than their heart. They don't trust men, and are always defensive. It's kinda like a situation where they are looking out for themselves.
At the end of the day, every woman wants security, no woman wants a man that can't provide. But I think where we should draw the line, is what your definition of provision is? Are you dating a fresh graduate and expecting him to take you to London for Christmas? You must be in la la land! Please wake up! Are you engaged to a newly employed guy who is earning a five digit salary, yet you're expecting a Hermes bag? You need deliverance if you are! Let's learn to cut our coat according to our cloth. If your man can't afford "funmi hair"(expensive human hair extension) please go and buy "darling Yankee" or better still, "premium too" Gbam!

Hold up men! Don't get all excited, nodding your heads. Women shouldn't take all the blame, men are equally guilty, "If men didn't offer women all these fancy things, women wouldn't even think in that direction". Often times, men lure women with expensive gifts. They'll do anything to get that girl. Talk about instances Kola borrows Ladi's G-wagon, just to take Caroline to dinner or is it using all your life savings to buy an Evoque, but you're squatting with a friend in a BQ in Lekki (a highbrow area in Lagos) or those that don't even have a roof over their heads, when no one's looking, they sneak into their very expensive cars, and crash there (Yes, it sounds outrageous, but I've met a guy with this story).
This reminds of me of a story I once heard.
Girl: Yes who are you
Guy: My name is Tega
Girl: Do you earn a salary
Guy: No I don’t, but…
Girl: Do you drive your own car?
Guy: No I don’t, but
Girl: Sorry, but I can’t have anything to do with you
Guy: I don’t earn a salary because I pay salaries, and I don’t drive my own car because my driver drives my cars. And yes, I can’t have anything to do with you either, so the feeling is mutual.

A lot of girls are constantly searching for materials things in their prospective husbands/Partners. Is money your number one criteria in a relationship? Does money answer all things? Would you rather cry in a limo, than laugh on a bicycle? Please drop a line.............

I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!

Do these words sound familiar? Have you ever uttered these words? Well, I have, in fact, a couple of times. Some people have gotten me so mad or hurt, I uttered those words.
Have you ever been hurt so badly by someone that you find it difficult to forgive? At that point, the words "just forgive and forget" sound so annoying, you just want to shove the person suggesting it? Does it hurt to just let your offender off the hook, pretending the offense never occurred? If that is what forgiveness is all about,most of us want nothing to do with it.It's just so hard!

Forgiveness is letting go of the need for revenge and releasing negative thoughts of bitterness and resentment. May I add that it is also one of the hardest things to do. You are expected to forgive, when someone offends you, because religiously and morally keeping a grudge will not only deprive you of God's mercies/blessings, but you feel this sense of guilt when you're about to pray, remember when you tell God "forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us"?. So automatically you feel the need to forgive and let go, whether you mean it or not,in order to be at peace with your creator. Keeping a grudge has also been said to affect one mentally, and health wise, which explains why people try to avoid it.

In recent studies, social scientist are discovering that forgiveness may help lead to victims emotional and even physical healing and wholeness. They believe that the personal benefits of forgiveness include, release from anger, and stress which have been linked to psychological problems such as; high blood pressure, cancer, hypertension, cardiovascular diseases and other psychosomatic  illness.  Even though some of us know there is a likelihood of these side effects, we just don't care! We feel a certain way at that point, and just can't help it or just don't care!

However, I have come to realize that a lot of us fake forgiveness, which in my opinion, is worse. When you're hurt,wouldn't it be better to give yourself time to heal? Okay, I'm not saying heal forever o! but don't fake it! For religious or moral reasons, you find people reconciling with their offenders immediately, forming chummy and hanging out, this is  popularly known as "oju aye"( a Yoruba saying) which connotes "faking love or interest". But deep down inside, you have "unfinished business". You probably can't stand the person. Wouldn't "faking reconciliation" leave you in the same position? At least in Gods' sight, cause he sees your heart, and knows you want to poison Ada, if Mama Silifa  gives you poison! Guys beware! Some people you've offended are talking to you but are still hurting on the inside, they are simply talking to you because they want to "fulfill all righteousness" and show the world that "Hey everyone! Look at me, I'm the bigger person, i'm talking to Jonathan, even though he slept with my wife!" or they are just seeking revenge! But when you're asleep,they will pour acid on you! Gbagbe! Also,offenders need not be self-centered. I mean if you've done something terrible to a person, you can't expect your victim to forgive you instantly, Haba!. You can't have stolen Sheila's man with your sexy curves, apologize once or twice and accept to go for dinner with her the following day, even though she swears she wants you there! (Don't be ignorant, na oju aye o!). In my opinion, forgiveness does not require "immediate reconciliation with your offender". You can forgive without being reconciled. Some people need time to heal, and reconciliation may follow, emphasis on "may", because in some cases, it just won't happen.Please correct me if I'm wrong.

I know you've all been hurt, and hmm....... some hit you like a ton of bricks! Someone you trusted so much, stabbed you in the back! You are so pained that you haven't let go, and really,  at some point you've actually considered letting go but you just can't, different things bring back awful memories.Are you finding it difficult to forgive someone today? Perhaps your father, who called you names when you were younger e.g "You dullard!Olodo! Why can't you come first like your peers?" "You are my worst child". Those words hurt you so bad, and damaged your self esteem resulting to bitterness and lack of forgiveness? Or when you were younger, your sister told her friends you were a bed wetter, a deep dark secret, you thought was only between family? Or most commonly, you were jilted by someone you thought was the love of your life? Abandoned by a parent? Abused by your partner? "Misyarned about"? Insulted by your boss/friend/sibling/partner? Duped by friends/business partners and so on.

Some have said that restoring a broken relationship might involve things like, restitution, a period of detachment, and new boundaries for the relationship. What has worked for you?
Have you ever felt so hurt that you've said "I'll never forgive you". If you have, do you intend letting go or have you already let go? Please drop a line............

WHAT DO YOU REGRET?

Regret is a negative conscious and emotional reaction to personal past acts and behaviors. It is often a feeling of sadness, shame, embarrassment, depression, annoyance or guilt after one acts in a manner and later wishes not to have done so. Regret can describe not only the dislike for an action that has been committed , but also, importantly, regret of inaction.

Many of us find ourselves wishing we had done something in a past situation differently. There is no such thing as a "life without any regrets". Even the most successful people have regrets. Yes, ask them! I have regrets and I'm sure you do.From losing the one that got away, to picking the wrong career path, or feeling that you married the wrong person. When you look back on your life, is there anything you wish you could change? Most of us would say yes- and we're not alone in that sentiment.

I've been thinking a lot lately and I must confess that I have a few regrets. I'll go ahead and mention one for now.... I regret studying law although it's a good profession and there are many successful lawyers out there! I  feel like there's  something missing and God knows I don't want to die feeling this way! In the first instance, I studied law because as a little girl I was a "talkative" and we all know how parents would automatically link that to "law". So everyone called me "the law" and I just felt I couldn't disappoint! I went ahead and studied law. Right now, I just fill unfulfilled, I feel there's more to me but I'm still discovering myself. Maybe I should have studied chemical engineering and be making the big bucks in one of these oil companies. Maybe I should have studied medicine overseas and be making the almighty dollar(cause we all know the profession doesn't pay in our country, Nigeria). Maybe I should have followed my dream of becoming a rapper(yes, I rap).But most times, we don't follow our hearts because we are worried about what people would say. Deep down inside you, all you want to do is model? But God forbid, daddy would faint if he saw you in front of a magazine( the honest truth is that daddy will be fine!)You want to sing? Grab the mic! You want to dance? Get down on it! Do you have something you enjoy doing but you can't reveal to the whole world because you fear rejection or condemnation? Trust me, you don't want to have regrets!

Some people have "secret regrets" they wouldn't dare to spill! For them, It's just too painful to talk about.Some of these regrets are mostly when they don't have an opportunity to make it right, may be someone dear passed away and you didn't have a chance to say goodbye, because you weren't on talking terms? You lost your virginity to a loser? And you know you can't get it back, no matter the number of virginity creams you use,lol!). You had that abortion but wish you bore the child? There are people who have had pretty tragic things happen to them. Some people are on the brink of suicide, some are totally depressed and can never forgive themselves. Are you that person? You are not alone!


I regret studying law and I feel so good letting it out!(I just want to scream!)I know you also have regrets or maybe you're that fellow who has got words of encouragement for those of us with regrets! Your words could help some of us heal! Do you have regrets or let me rephrase it, what do you wish you could have done differently? PLEASE SPILL YOUR GUTS!!!!!!

Note

Are you creative? Do you write poetry or short stories? Care to share? This is an opportunity to show off your talent! Once in a week, I 'll be doing a guest feature. Feel free to be anonymous(wink)

Also, are there issues bothering you? Let's discuss it here!

Email me- bonabokun@gmail.com

NOT SO ANONYMOUS!

Although I'm not anonymous, I reckon some of you don't know me, so I'll be doing a lil intro.

My name is Bisodun, unique right? I know........ And of course it keeps the questions coming, "why Bisodun, shouldn't it be Biodun?"  "when were you born?" Okay so those questions are kinda allowed but..... Some questions are just so hilarious. A couple of people have asked if Bisodun is the female version of Biodun, lol!. At the end of the day,  I smile whenever people gush about how unique my name is.  Also, some people ask how my parents  came up with the name. You want to know? Please don't laugh..... So one day, I was feeling rather inquisitive, I asked my mother why they named me "Bisodun". She said " I'll be honest but don't take offense o!. She said the truth was that after having three "pikins" before me, they had run out of names! My jaw dropped, It couldn't be!  She continued "but thank God it was sallah day(islamic festival) so it was very easy to name you "something".  I didn't know whether to laugh or cry after her confession. Oh well.... That's the story behind my name!

I am a Nigerian-based lawyer with a passion for writing and fashion. I've been writing since I was 5. Back then, I would scribble down short stories on a note book, draw  images and color them. I've always had a thing for writing which is why I've opted  to start my own blog.

So what's my blog about? It's  basically a collection of my intrepid thoughts. You see, i'm a thinker, when I'm not talking, i'm thinking. I'm also very observant. I get a lot of inspiration from events happening around me and I simply put them in writing. For me, this blog is an avenue to ask questions about the lil things that bother me, I'm a learner!.

My aim is to create an atmosphere for people from different works of life to have sincere chat sessions about  different pressing issues in our society and maybe being unidentified would make it a lot easier for you to air your views. It's amazing how knowledgeable people are, please don't keep all that information to yourself, do share!

Stay tuned for more about me!!!!

Note

Are you creative? Do you write poetry or short stories? Care to share? This is an opportunity to show off your talent! Once in a week, I 'll be doing a guest feature. Feel free to be anonymous(wink!)

Also, are there issues bothering you? Let's discuss it here!

Email me- bonabokun@gmail.com

SHE'S A SINGLE "MURDER"!

Dazzle Elementary's end of the year party was a highly anticipated day. Every kid looked forward to the fun filled day, parents inclusive. It was an opportunity for the kids to indulge in "everything sweet" and an avenue for parents to network in addition to unwinding. The day finally arrived and everyone looked dashing. 7 year old Tracey sat next to her 'besto' Omo. These little cutie-heads were inseparable. Every one called them sisters and as a matter of fact, their parents couldn't wait to be acquainted. Tracey's parents were the first to arrive. After staying at the event for a couple of hours with no sign of Omo's parents, they decided to leave, completely disappointed they didn't meet Omo's parents.
"Omo sweety, are you sure your parents will still be coming? The party's almost over" Tracey's mother asked.
"My mummy will come, she always comes, even though she comes late,"
"What of your dad? Isn't he coming?"
"My daddy? I live with my mummy, only me and my mummy"
Tracey's mother paused, she was taken aback by Omo's remarks.
"So it's just you and your mum in the house?"
"Yes just me and my mummy, she's my best friend, she and Tracey"
The expression on Tracey's mother's face changed instantly,she kept a straight face and pulled her daughter aside whispering in her ears "stay away from Omo, she's from a broken home, you have different upbringings, I don't want her to influence you, her mother is a "single mother".
However, what Tracey's mother didn't know was that Omo heard everything she said, her words weren't exactly whispers.
So did Tracey cut off from her best friend? Yes she did, she stayed far far away!


We could say Tracey was a mere child, obviously naive and wouldn't know right from wrong, but the truth is even adults are often seen doing the same thing. In our society, single mothers are often discriminated against.

Single mothers are single because of circumstance, but should it matter what the circumstances are? Here are some the reasons why some mothers are single;
1. Death, she lost her husband
2. Divorce/Separation/Desertion
3. She had a kid out of wedlock, intentionally or unintentionally.

In our society, a woman who loses her husband is the only one most likely going to be exempted from this stereotype. However, the truth is that majority of single mothers have in fact gone through a divorce or a long term relationship breakdown but people don't bother to hear their stories, they simply make derogatory statements about them. Single mothers are often tagged as "promiscuous" "immoral" "selfish" "narcissist" and what have you. Morality permits no waiver for those with special circumstances. I mean some women were actually abandoned by their husbands, e.g the typical case of a husband/father travelling overseas for greener pastures but never returning or one who just absconds. But in our society, It is morally wrong to be a single mother. Even in the 21st century, the shame and social isolation still exists, especially in Africa.

Now to the crux of the matter, " children raised by single mothers". It has been stated that children in single-parent families, to be sure, face obstacles to developing important moral qualities. Ethical development is rooted in emotional development, and children in single-parent families may suffer more persistently from those feelings; shame, distrust, cynicism- that commonly eat away at children's capacities for caring, responsibility, idealism, and other important moral qualities. Is this really true? Are children raised by single mothers missing out on important moral qualities?
Children raised by single mothers are often stigmatized, discredited and victimized. A friend of mine met a wonderful guy a while ago, or so she thought. She was certain he was "the one" but the moment homeboy found out she was raised by a single mother, you know what he said?, " I can't marry a girl from a broken home" or was it the time my cousin who has an amazing voice by the way, was rejected by the church choir, the pastor said "HA! what example would she lay? Someone please shoot me!. They didn't care if these ladies were well-cultured and well-educated , they just couldn't deal with the stigma. I have observed that society subconsciously expects children raised by single mothers to exhibit certain behavioral patterns. The child would most likely be rude, uncultured, promiscuous(in the case of a girl child), and immoral?. It is said that a single parent cannot instill the core values a child needs, there is always a missing link when a child is brought up singlehandedly. Research over the years shows that children in single-parent homes generally fare worse than those homes with two parents. It is also said that family structure does contribute to certain characteristics of a child's wellbeing therefore, children who are from single parent homes tend to have problems with depression, emotional stress and difficulties in school compared to children from two parent homes. Studies show that drop-outs, and criminals were most likely brought up by a single parent. Isn't it astounding? Is this really the case with children brought up by single mothers?

But the reality is that there are children in single-parent homes that are not morally defective. Some of them grow up to be wonderful people. What behavioral patterns do you expect from children whose parents are very much together( not separated or divorced) but have miserable marriages? Aren't these children equally exposed to the so-called dangers, children from single-parents homes face? I mean these children have both parents living together but all they are exposed to is, violence, hate, mood swings, and anger. Children in these shoes most likely won't get models of fairness, respect and compassion.

People who know single mothers can relate with some of the problems they face in our society on a daily basis, from their place of work, to housing, to relationships and even religion. Some companies would not employ single mothers, just as how some churches would not allow a single mother sing in the church choir. Some landlords don't want single mothers as tenants and some men would never date single mothers. "She is a single murder", they say, I ask , "Is it a crime?" "who did she kill?" All I see is someone who went through hell to give life!

PLEASE DON'T PULL THE TRIGGER!

Sola and Derin met at Kenny's book reading. Sola was Kenny's best buddy while Derin had tagged along for the event with a friend. Reapplying her lipgloss severally, Derin knew Sola was going to hit on her, he gaped at her like a mysterious painting from Thailand. A few hours later, Sola summoned up some courage and approached her. Luckily, they hit it off immediately and she agreed to dine with him at an Italian restaurant the following day.  As soon as Derin got to the parking lot at the restaurant, a cute little kid approached her with flowers and a note which read " I love your smile" and she gave a wider smile. When she got into the restaurant, there wasn't a single soul. She became frightened, different thoughts running through her head. 
"Hey beautiful!" Someone whispered from behind. 
"Oh my God! You scared me"  she gushed, placing her hands on her chest.
"I'm sorry, didn't mean to" Sola said coyly.
" Where's  everyone, the staff, the guests?"
" Oh them?...... Well........ I made them go for a short break cause I wanted to cook for you myself"
" Awww, you cook? She said, her face flushed bright pink.
From that moment,Derin was hooked! Sola was too good to be true.
9 years and two kids later, Derin had the perfect life. She had the latest rides, clothes, shoes and jewelry and was the envy of all her friends. What they didn't know was that she was suffering and smiling. The very sweet and romantic Sola was now a raging monster. He beat her on a daily basis making her deaf in one ear and as if that wasn't enough, he left her with dislocated hands and legs.
One night,Derin looked in the mirror, she didn't recognize who she saw. She hated who she had become and certainly couldn't take it anymore. She made her way to her kids room, staring at them sadly, she didn't want them witnessing all that violence anymore, in fact her eight year old daughter had vowed  never to get married. She picked up a gun, one Sola had threatened to use on her severally. She headed to their bedroom, and stared at him angrily. Snoring loudly,  Sola was fast asleep. She stood next to him, memories of the series of bashings running through her head. She took a deep pained breath and tapped him, pointing the pistol at him. 
"Oh my God!  he flinched,  lifting his hands in the air.
"Sola, this is for all the pain you have caused me, I want my freedom!" she cried.
"Please don't pull the trigger! He begged.

Should she pull the trigger in return for all the years of physical pain, emotional trauma, miscarriages, harsh words, insults, abandonment, and cheating, that would most likely leave her scared for life or should she just walk away? Sometimes, it gets this bad, some women want to end it all!

Sola and Derin's  deadly relationship isn't news, it happens everyday, all over the world. It is called domestic violence. Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse could be physical, sexual, emotional,economical  or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. These includes behaviours that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure or wound someone. Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race( whether Kim kardashian or Genevieve Nnaji) age( Mama rainbow or mo'cheddah) sexual orientation( Ellen DeGeneres or Paris Hilton), gender( man or woman). It can happen to couples who are married, living together or dating.

I'm sure this is probably the hundredth time you are hearing this topic and you probably want to close this page, but please read on. Domestic violence is very rampant in our society and it seems to be getting worse by the day. In fact, it's now a trend society is slowly accepting. I mean, a girl tells people her man beat her, and they say "you'll manage o, marriage is not easy!". I'm positive we all know people going through domestic violence, either  acquaintances, friends and family. Some people have no idea because the victims never spill but you need to be attentive. You can't see a strange mark on Tara's face, she tells you "I fell off the....... (whatever she cooks up at that moment) and you fall for it.  My people that  bruise on Ijeoma's hand wasn't the burner, It was Chukudis's  Gucci belt. That cut on Feyi's forehead wasn't the door, it was Tunde's fist and finally Zainab's dislocated hand wasn't caused by the trainer at the gym, it was Alhaji! Let's  try to be more attentive.

Although there are different types of violence, physical abuse is the most popular, may be because it often results to death but we must know that even psychological abuse is equally deadly. Some "battered women" who can't comprehend the physical abuse, especially the secretive ones, feel unloved, develop low self esteem and end up feeling depressed. It is this depression that often leads to their death. They end up committing suicide. 

In our society, just a few women have been courageous enough to walk out of violent relationships, majority of them stay giving  different reasons to justify their actions. Some women stay because they took those "vows" and for them, it is really "till death do us part" and often times, death will put them apart because one day, bros will vex and kill sister! Some stay because of the children the relationship produced, some stay for financial support, some stay because they think so low of themselves, they cannot imagine living in this world without their abuser( the abuser has successfully messed with their heads), some stay because of what people would say (no one wants to feel like their marriage was unsuccessful)and of course some stay because Pastor preaches against divorce, moreover the bible also preaches against divorce. Some women have even vowed to die married, than live single! Their marital status has more value than their lives.

The effects of domestic violence vary. Some women become bitter and frustrated and snap at everyone around them, some become very vulnerable and weak, they eventually become depressed and commit suicide, while some seek revenge and kill their abusers like Derin attempted. Either way the end result is pretty ugly.


So I ask and  please I want your honest opinion, if you knew someone going through physical abuse, married or unmarried, I mean, you've even gone as far as witnessing it, what would you do? When is it time for her to flee? please drop a line.................

FOR WOMEN WHO HUSTLE!

I don't know what comes to your mind when you see the post title, but whatever it is, feel free to interpret as u wish......... Women are wonderful, beautiful creatures. Oh! I can't imagine the world without women  not just because I'm a woman but in real sense, take some time to think about what women go through in our male dominated society.Anyone who still believes women are "inactive and weak", must be a frequent customer at "African shrine"(if you know what I mean!)

I look around me and I see women hustling everyday trying to make a living. Is it the street sweeper banging that lifeless broom on the unpaved roads, the cleaner at the office wiping off the bread crumbs from the desk,the roadside food seller(iya Basira) shuttling between washing the dishes and serving her hungry customers gbanga soup!, the recharge card seller bustling through the streets with colorful cards a million and one other people are also selling, hoping she'll do be the one, the hawker in your hood screaming "breadi agege"  the bank worker(marketing department) hastening to meet her target, the lawyer, the doctor, the queen of the night and of course the Runs girl. These are some of the ways the woman of today hustles. Kudos to the women who hustle!

Now to my focal point, "The Runs Girl".  Runs girl is a Nigerian slogan, often used to describe a  girl that dates older men who can offer her money or gifts in return for companionship or sexual favours. Other terms used to describe runs girls are "aristo babe", "hustler", "gbogbo bix girls", "ashanna", " shallams", "opeke", "highway girls" etc. There are Runs girls everywhere in the world, the only difference is their standing, there are those who date only filthy rich men, while some would date just anyone that would provide their basic needs. As a friend of mine would say "there are runs girls and there are RUNS GIRLS".

However, it is no news that the activity of a runs babe is highly frowned upon in our society. Why? Is it because most of the men these girls date are married men which according to the bible is a sin(fornication/adultery)?. Is it because often times, they end up breaking homes, convincing the men to make them their wives( naturally or diabolically) or is it because it is morally wrong, and nemesis will catch up with them when they eventually get married? Are those some of the reasons why it is unacceptable?

I'm sure you all know girls who fall into this category and most times you wonder why a young, vibrant girl would resolve  to dating older married men, perhaps you feel there are young promising single men she ought to be dating and even if she was a gold digger, there are readymade young men, fresh off the oven ready to spend either daddy's money or money they have hustled for over the years on her. But I ask you, have you bothered to ask her why she has made this her own form of hustle. Could there be reasons to justify her actions?

Some girls have opted to have  "sugar daddies" because for them, there is really no one out there to provide for them financially,yes, if you didn't  know, some people are completely broke. Perhaps she's an orphan or even the bread winner of her family leaving her with no choice than to "use what she has to get what she wants". Some times, these girls have to look for a way to make ends meet for papa, mama, brother, sister and so on. I met a young beautiful lady a few years ago and I was shocked to find out that she paid the rent in the house her family lived, she was also responsible for her siblings tuition fees, but she was just a student, sad but true. How did she do that? Abracadabra! She used her well rounded curves to entice weak old men, and in return they gave her cash, owo, ego, kudi!

However, one thing that baffles some people is why girls from comfortable, well to do backgrounds still engage in this activity? Is it just mere greed?or the pressure to blend with the trend? The need to be able to afford those "extras" daddy is not going to pay for? e.g the latest mobile phone(blackberry Porsche) or Funmi hair(human hair extension), probably a Range Rover Evoque? Could there be reasons to justify their actions?

Whatever the case may be, there are women who have resorted to doing this on a daily basis, some have lost their lives in the process, some have been made wives in the process, while some have been saved in the process. A dear friend of mine once said " At the end of the day, when you have money, who cares about how you made the money?" What are your thoughts on women who hustle this way? Please drop a line.................

Accepting Homosexuality?

Firstly, I want to use this opportunity to say that everything I write on this blog is my personal opinion. I appreciate and admire your views and would love to hear from you. I'm learning everyday.

Okay so my last post was on marriage, and I know it seems very random that this topic is completely different from the last but I have my reasons for this current post and would definitely reveal it to you very soon.....

Homosexuality is  an issue most people refer to as controversial. Some people cringe at the mention of the word "HOMO" "GAY" or "LESBIAN". Some people don't even want to talk about it but the truth of the matter is that it exists, it's critical and it's real. There are different approaches to this topic. The moral/religious approach, the scientific approach and of course the cultural approach. Scientifically, it appears that sexual orientation is biological by nature, determined by a complex interplay of genetic and hormonal factors and early uterine environment. Scientists therefore believe that a person's sexual orientation is "not a choice", people don't chose to be gay, it all started from their mother's womb!

Religious wise, Christians condemn homosexual activity outrightly, in fact it is seen as a sin. Passages from the Old Testament have been interpreted to argue that homosexuals should be punished with death. Islam also disapproves homosexual activity. Some people can go all day quoting different passages from the bible and Quran that speak against homosexual activity. Moreover, homosexuality is often described as morally wrong.

Culturally, Ha! Let's not even go there, we all know that it is frowned upon a great deal, especially in Africa. Some people still can't wrap their minds around why and how people of the same sex can be attracted to each other. As a good friend of mine would say " how can a man be attracted to another man?" But at the end of the day, she is not in their shoes and obviously can't understand how they feel. In Nigeria, lesbians, gay, bisexual and transgender persons face legal challenges. Homosexuality is illegal in Nigeria and is punishable by death by stoning according to the Shari'a law, and by up to 14 years Imprisonment.

Now to the Koko! I' m sure everyone knows a homosexual, either from a distance or very close; that is, friend or family. It is indeed no news that homosexuals are seen as different and some people have been disowned by family members because of this sexual orientation. Some people are ashamed of their homosexual sibling, child, cousin and so on. Many people believe they are abnormal and wouldn't come close to them, almost like they have a diseases. The western culture has accepted homosexuality to an extent but Africans still remain status quo. Homosexuality is still a taboo in our society and many gay people are still scared of coming out of the closet, although there are rumors of gay churches, clubs and what have you in Nigeria.

At the end of the day, what do we have in our society? We have homosexuals pretending to be heterosexuals, getting married the way society demands(man and woman) hurting themselves and their innocent spouse, who by the way, has to deal with the trauma of realizing that their spouse is actually not attracted to them in the slightest bit. Can you imagine how traumatic that could be? Yes, these things are happening in our society today! At times, i see some guys, i can sense they are gay, but because of fear of being rejected by members of the society, they find a girl/boy, fake interest just to tie the knot in order to please mummy and daddy and the society. So I ask, do you think letting homosexuals express themselves would prevent situations like this?

Homosexuals are everywhere in our society today. In most cases  we know they are, although there are times we are ignorant or just chose to be ignorant. Homosexuals are your friends, sister, brother, cousin, aunt, uncle etc. Are you accepting homosexuality today, if not, why? Please drop a line..........

IS MARRIAGE OVERRATED?

Every little girl looks forward to the day she  will be joined with her prince charming in front  of friends, family and even foes. In fact, society has imbided a culture where girls are told that  they will not  be fulfilled in life if they didn't get married. You know what's worse? There's an age limit!!!!! Yes, society has set a time frame within which a girl must be married.

So you've completed your tertiary education, probably done your NYSC( in the case of Nigerians) and gotten a job. Naturally according to tradition, the next step is to get hitched, Right? Maybe you're in your early 20's , maybe your late 20's or even early  30's, ultimately, you feel  the need to get married. Your parents have started asking "those questions", all your friends are getting married, and it seems like you're the only single person on the surface of the earth. Is getting married your latest mission? Be honest........

I'll be writing this post  based on my experience in Nigeria having lived here for the most part of my life. A day doesn't go by without the issue of marriage being raised. Everyone is talking about marriage, either for it, or against it, bottom line is that it's often the topic of discussion particularly amongst women, both married and single. Common phrases include "Oh my God!,She just got engaged!" , "Wow! She's getting married," "Why are you still single?" "and of course, the most frequently asked and dreaded question, (rolling drums..........) , "WHEN ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED?" I've watched friends, family and colleagues stay in unhealthy relationships in order to blend with the trend  of getting married.

When you're in your early 20's, you  are referred to as "fresh blood". You are at the top of your game, trying to get all the male attention. There is so much pressure to look your best which equates to buying expensive human hair either ( Brazilian, Malaysian, or even Hungarian hair). You do everything to get male attention, which includes attending all the weddings  in town(whether you know the couple or not, popularly known as "mo gbo mo branch". Yes, this has happened to the best of us.

Then BOOM! like a speedball, you hit your late twenties! Everyone starts to whisper about your single status, at your place of work, at home, on the street, and even at your place of worship, Yes, i said it, THE CHURCH.  They say things like " Do you know she is still single"' "I  wonder why she hasn't still found a man" , " Can you believe she's still single, yet she is feeling picky"  and " No wonder she is still single". At this point, you get really desperate, lower your standards, and start begging friends and families to set you up with a decent man.

Then, you hit the BIG "30". You feel hopeless. All the good men have been taken, according to society, so you pitch your tent with someone else's husband or you tolerate the loser who doesn't deserve you. You become a sorry case amongst friends and families. You hide at home, not confident enough to crash every wedding in town like you used to. Friends and family carry your burden by setting you up on blind dates without your  consent. Aunties are inviting you to one crusade or another, where the man of God will be releasing the special anointing for marital breakthrough.  Some of you who can't manage the situation, jump at the next available offer, without getting to know the person proposing, a whirlwind romance which often leads to danger.

So I ask, what are your thoughts on marriage? Is marriage overrated? Please drop a line...........