SHE'S A SINGLE "MURDER"!

Dazzle Elementary's end of the year party was a highly anticipated day. Every kid looked forward to the fun filled day, parents inclusive. It was an opportunity for the kids to indulge in "everything sweet" and an avenue for parents to network in addition to unwinding. The day finally arrived and everyone looked dashing. 7 year old Tracey sat next to her 'besto' Omo. These little cutie-heads were inseparable. Every one called them sisters and as a matter of fact, their parents couldn't wait to be acquainted. Tracey's parents were the first to arrive. After staying at the event for a couple of hours with no sign of Omo's parents, they decided to leave, completely disappointed they didn't meet Omo's parents.
"Omo sweety, are you sure your parents will still be coming? The party's almost over" Tracey's mother asked.
"My mummy will come, she always comes, even though she comes late,"
"What of your dad? Isn't he coming?"
"My daddy? I live with my mummy, only me and my mummy"
Tracey's mother paused, she was taken aback by Omo's remarks.
"So it's just you and your mum in the house?"
"Yes just me and my mummy, she's my best friend, she and Tracey"
The expression on Tracey's mother's face changed instantly,she kept a straight face and pulled her daughter aside whispering in her ears "stay away from Omo, she's from a broken home, you have different upbringings, I don't want her to influence you, her mother is a "single mother".
However, what Tracey's mother didn't know was that Omo heard everything she said, her words weren't exactly whispers.
So did Tracey cut off from her best friend? Yes she did, she stayed far far away!


We could say Tracey was a mere child, obviously naive and wouldn't know right from wrong, but the truth is even adults are often seen doing the same thing. In our society, single mothers are often discriminated against.

Single mothers are single because of circumstance, but should it matter what the circumstances are? Here are some the reasons why some mothers are single;
1. Death, she lost her husband
2. Divorce/Separation/Desertion
3. She had a kid out of wedlock, intentionally or unintentionally.

In our society, a woman who loses her husband is the only one most likely going to be exempted from this stereotype. However, the truth is that majority of single mothers have in fact gone through a divorce or a long term relationship breakdown but people don't bother to hear their stories, they simply make derogatory statements about them. Single mothers are often tagged as "promiscuous" "immoral" "selfish" "narcissist" and what have you. Morality permits no waiver for those with special circumstances. I mean some women were actually abandoned by their husbands, e.g the typical case of a husband/father travelling overseas for greener pastures but never returning or one who just absconds. But in our society, It is morally wrong to be a single mother. Even in the 21st century, the shame and social isolation still exists, especially in Africa.

Now to the crux of the matter, " children raised by single mothers". It has been stated that children in single-parent families, to be sure, face obstacles to developing important moral qualities. Ethical development is rooted in emotional development, and children in single-parent families may suffer more persistently from those feelings; shame, distrust, cynicism- that commonly eat away at children's capacities for caring, responsibility, idealism, and other important moral qualities. Is this really true? Are children raised by single mothers missing out on important moral qualities?
Children raised by single mothers are often stigmatized, discredited and victimized. A friend of mine met a wonderful guy a while ago, or so she thought. She was certain he was "the one" but the moment homeboy found out she was raised by a single mother, you know what he said?, " I can't marry a girl from a broken home" or was it the time my cousin who has an amazing voice by the way, was rejected by the church choir, the pastor said "HA! what example would she lay? Someone please shoot me!. They didn't care if these ladies were well-cultured and well-educated , they just couldn't deal with the stigma. I have observed that society subconsciously expects children raised by single mothers to exhibit certain behavioral patterns. The child would most likely be rude, uncultured, promiscuous(in the case of a girl child), and immoral?. It is said that a single parent cannot instill the core values a child needs, there is always a missing link when a child is brought up singlehandedly. Research over the years shows that children in single-parent homes generally fare worse than those homes with two parents. It is also said that family structure does contribute to certain characteristics of a child's wellbeing therefore, children who are from single parent homes tend to have problems with depression, emotional stress and difficulties in school compared to children from two parent homes. Studies show that drop-outs, and criminals were most likely brought up by a single parent. Isn't it astounding? Is this really the case with children brought up by single mothers?

But the reality is that there are children in single-parent homes that are not morally defective. Some of them grow up to be wonderful people. What behavioral patterns do you expect from children whose parents are very much together( not separated or divorced) but have miserable marriages? Aren't these children equally exposed to the so-called dangers, children from single-parents homes face? I mean these children have both parents living together but all they are exposed to is, violence, hate, mood swings, and anger. Children in these shoes most likely won't get models of fairness, respect and compassion.

People who know single mothers can relate with some of the problems they face in our society on a daily basis, from their place of work, to housing, to relationships and even religion. Some companies would not employ single mothers, just as how some churches would not allow a single mother sing in the church choir. Some landlords don't want single mothers as tenants and some men would never date single mothers. "She is a single murder", they say, I ask , "Is it a crime?" "who did she kill?" All I see is someone who went through hell to give life!