I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!

Do these words sound familiar? Have you ever uttered these words? Well, I have, in fact, a couple of times. Some people have gotten me so mad or hurt, I uttered those words.
Have you ever been hurt so badly by someone that you find it difficult to forgive? At that point, the words "just forgive and forget" sound so annoying, you just want to shove the person suggesting it? Does it hurt to just let your offender off the hook, pretending the offense never occurred? If that is what forgiveness is all about,most of us want nothing to do with it.It's just so hard!

Forgiveness is letting go of the need for revenge and releasing negative thoughts of bitterness and resentment. May I add that it is also one of the hardest things to do. You are expected to forgive, when someone offends you, because religiously and morally keeping a grudge will not only deprive you of God's mercies/blessings, but you feel this sense of guilt when you're about to pray, remember when you tell God "forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us"?. So automatically you feel the need to forgive and let go, whether you mean it or not,in order to be at peace with your creator. Keeping a grudge has also been said to affect one mentally, and health wise, which explains why people try to avoid it.

In recent studies, social scientist are discovering that forgiveness may help lead to victims emotional and even physical healing and wholeness. They believe that the personal benefits of forgiveness include, release from anger, and stress which have been linked to psychological problems such as; high blood pressure, cancer, hypertension, cardiovascular diseases and other psychosomatic  illness.  Even though some of us know there is a likelihood of these side effects, we just don't care! We feel a certain way at that point, and just can't help it or just don't care!

However, I have come to realize that a lot of us fake forgiveness, which in my opinion, is worse. When you're hurt,wouldn't it be better to give yourself time to heal? Okay, I'm not saying heal forever o! but don't fake it! For religious or moral reasons, you find people reconciling with their offenders immediately, forming chummy and hanging out, this is  popularly known as "oju aye"( a Yoruba saying) which connotes "faking love or interest". But deep down inside, you have "unfinished business". You probably can't stand the person. Wouldn't "faking reconciliation" leave you in the same position? At least in Gods' sight, cause he sees your heart, and knows you want to poison Ada, if Mama Silifa  gives you poison! Guys beware! Some people you've offended are talking to you but are still hurting on the inside, they are simply talking to you because they want to "fulfill all righteousness" and show the world that "Hey everyone! Look at me, I'm the bigger person, i'm talking to Jonathan, even though he slept with my wife!" or they are just seeking revenge! But when you're asleep,they will pour acid on you! Gbagbe! Also,offenders need not be self-centered. I mean if you've done something terrible to a person, you can't expect your victim to forgive you instantly, Haba!. You can't have stolen Sheila's man with your sexy curves, apologize once or twice and accept to go for dinner with her the following day, even though she swears she wants you there! (Don't be ignorant, na oju aye o!). In my opinion, forgiveness does not require "immediate reconciliation with your offender". You can forgive without being reconciled. Some people need time to heal, and reconciliation may follow, emphasis on "may", because in some cases, it just won't happen.Please correct me if I'm wrong.

I know you've all been hurt, and hmm....... some hit you like a ton of bricks! Someone you trusted so much, stabbed you in the back! You are so pained that you haven't let go, and really,  at some point you've actually considered letting go but you just can't, different things bring back awful memories.Are you finding it difficult to forgive someone today? Perhaps your father, who called you names when you were younger e.g "You dullard!Olodo! Why can't you come first like your peers?" "You are my worst child". Those words hurt you so bad, and damaged your self esteem resulting to bitterness and lack of forgiveness? Or when you were younger, your sister told her friends you were a bed wetter, a deep dark secret, you thought was only between family? Or most commonly, you were jilted by someone you thought was the love of your life? Abandoned by a parent? Abused by your partner? "Misyarned about"? Insulted by your boss/friend/sibling/partner? Duped by friends/business partners and so on.

Some have said that restoring a broken relationship might involve things like, restitution, a period of detachment, and new boundaries for the relationship. What has worked for you?
Have you ever felt so hurt that you've said "I'll never forgive you". If you have, do you intend letting go or have you already let go? Please drop a line............